New Year's Revelations (forget resolutions!)

If this blog post had a soundtrack, the first song would be New Year's Day by Taylor Swift. The song perfectly captures the quiet calm and hopefulness of bringing in a new year with someone you love... In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, we have these things called valued life directions. They're the things that matter most to us, deep in our hearts. One of mine is love. Since I was about 20 years old, love and strong relationships have been a core value for me, and whenever I listen to that song, I'm reminded of that. I like to listen to it on the first year of the day to prompt reflection on my values and where I want to go next.

I find that focusing on the meaningful changes and insightful moments from the year before to be far more useful than setting lofty resolutions. That's because I'm usually only setting those resolutions because that's what you're "meant" to do, rather than because I actually want to. I call this focusing on my revelations rather than creating resolutions.

There are hundreds of values out there, all of them having different meanings to different people. One ACT activity I come back to time and time again is Values Bulls-Eye. It's a great one for quickly reflecting on values.

The ACT Values Bulls-Eye

Here are some my values and ~revelations~ that have developed or strengthened over the last year. They fall across different areas of the ACT Bulls-Eye.

Health and Fitness

In 2021 I truly found a true love for physical activity, and playing sport for the first time in my adult life (I did skiing for years as a kid, and boxed for a little while as a teen). It started with messing around on the pitch up the road from my house, and ended up with me regularly going to the gym, walking frequently, and playing Gaelic football. I've come to realise how once you find what type of physical activity is the most FUN for you, the rest falls into the place. As such, physical health and activity has genuinely become one of my valued life directions, for the first time in my life!

Adventure

Feeling unfulfilled with life in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and a mental health crisis, I realised how much I value adventure. I become restless quickly without a good stream of adventurous stimulation. Whether it's travel, exercise, trying things that scare me, attending more concerts (safely), or reading different types of books; I've started prioritising my need for adventure by creating a '30 Before 30' bucket list.

Creativity and Music

Music has been reliably threaded throughout my life experiences, but this year I took piano lessons for the first time, and started on the guitar again after quitting when I was aged 10. I'm really proud of how much I've already learned and I feel more connected to the art of creating music and writing songs.

Assertiveness and Honesty

Over the summer, I returned to America to spend three months at "home home" with my family after going 18-months of not seeing them in person. I used this time therapeutically, reflecting a lot on who I am and who I want to be. I came out the end of the summer more self-assured, less afraid to communicate and create boundaries, and embrace who I am, rather than feeling insecure about various facets of my personality. I am definitely more forthcoming about my feelings, and feel more comfortable being assertive with my boundaries and needs in both personal and professional contexts.

Independence

Also over the I realised how important independence and solitude is to me. I certainly took the independence I already had for granted, and I want to build a life where I precariously balance my independence with nurturing my relationships and long-term commitments. I highly value having my own space, making my own schedule, and having the freedom to travel as I please. As a result, I started to think about what type of career and life would give me a balance between independence and staying connected with those I love and jobs I enjoy.

Love and Relationships

Years ago, I had a revelation that what matters to me most is the love I share with people in my life, such as family members, friends, and romantic partners (shout out to my husband). This value continues to guide my choices, but I feel that 2021 was a significant test. I couldn't hug my family and many of my friends for quite a while, and like many 2020/2021 newlyweds our love and marriage couldn't be celebrated with a traditional wedding. Despite this, I also reconnected with others in my life, and many relationships strengthened. The pandemic refreshed my perspective on how much this value means to me.

I'd encourage everyone to take a moment to think about the insightful moments you've had over the last year that have improved your life. Some questions that might help are:

• What sort of person am I now? What sort of person do I want to be?

• What brings me the most joy?

• When do I feel most fulfilled?

• What is most important to me?

• If I had unlimited confidence, how would I behave?

• How have I changed in the last year?

Take a meaningful moment to reflect on your own revelations and pat yourself on the back for the things that went well. Maybe jot down your thoughts, put some music on, chat with a friend over a coffee, think about it while you go for a walk; whichever way suits you is best.

If you're keen on making changes in 2022 to become more in tune with your valued life directions, here are some books I'd recommend:

The Happiness Trap by Dr. Russ Harris

Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl

Just Kids by Patti Smith

Finally, I'll leave you with the self-talk phrase that finally ~clicked~ in my brain in the last year and probably the biggest and most useful revelation I've had in a while:

"No one is thinking of me the way I think of me."

In 2022, I'll be leaving behind my social anxiety and embracing a more assertive, honest and adventurous version of myself. To whoever may be reading this post, I wish you a prosperous year ahead full of growth, happiness and fulfilment.

Anyways, Happy New Year!